驚覺原來我的世界已經這麼寬。曾經害怕你回來那天的害怕。但就因我的世界已經不同。那樣的距離已經拉開再拉開。是形同陌路的距離。

華燈初上，煙雨迷濛。熙來熙往的小徑上，撐起了傘，擦身而過的，誰是誰？陌生的面孔，異國的語言，充斥在這以悲情為名的他鄉。戲謔般的無常總映照出人生的荒謬。卻也透出些許悲情的味道。川流不息，時光的巨河裡。我們都隻身朝著同樣的遠方前進。幾經輪迭，喜怒哀樂之後，生命僅憑添了許多寒暑。雨尚未歇，卻又該轉身告別了。再一次的分離，是應許了這命運的常態。或也是為了期待，下次遇見又是什麼模樣？拾階而上，圜轉間光影流盼在濕潤的雨珠中，輝煌起蜃樓般的山城。在燈火闌珊的深處，是不是還有個微笑，始終注視著我。

上海市徐汇区复兴中路1472号

Well I’ve got a whole lot of things to do today … but I just don’t seem to give a duck’s fuck. So, maybe I will just wander around the tubes of the internet and see what’s up.That’s the best way to deal with things when you’re way behind in your work.

事情其實有點複雜但是經過時間的演變後又變的簡單這就是回憶只剩下我們想記得的。

今天老闆跟我說客戶可能無法接受,很符合我意...他問我這主角是你嗎！！我說不是..他問我有何意義我說就..爽阿嘿對！！看爽的他說是喔...這樣我無法解釋如果是放你身體 , 至少我還可以說我激不得 , 於是把自己當主角了是想看我肉體的意思嗎！！

我們總會看到電影裡的一個情節：主角被壞人跟蹤了半天，兜兜轉轉也擺脫不了，正焦急之際，壞人走進了一個貨倉，主角卻形跡杳然。其實主角只是躲在頂樓上，或天台上，只要壞人抬頭一看，主角便無所循形，可是他們偏偏沒有抬頭。而這就是命運。我們的人生總是永遠重複在那天壞人們闖進貨倉裡的那個畫面。一個決定孰優孰劣？眼前機遇是禍是福？我們永遠只能戰戰兢兢地猜度，對方究竟會抬頭，還是不抬頭？一個抬頭，可能己影響了我們的一生。仰天一看，可能世界已從此不一樣。

I thought I was so sure of my sexuality. I thought I finally figured it out. Now I’m not so sure. First I thought I was straight, then I thought I was gay, then I thought I was bi, now I have no idea. I’m caught somewhere between gay and bi. It’s not that I don’t like girls, because they’re…Hey, that is me when I was eighteen/nineteen! The answer, for a guy at least, should be easy because the real question, in the end, is: who are in the fantasies or images that give you a boner? Boys or girls?Now my problem - when I was a teenager - was that my masturbatory fantasies were largely of girls with me starring in a supporting and submissive role. I loved the idea - and I still do! - of girls dominating me, physically overpowering me, tying me down, forcing me to eat pussy, etc. So all my girlfriends were older than me and, without exception, taller than average, very fit, and emotionally much stronger and more confident. And I liked it that way.The summer when I turned 14 my girlfriend down as the lake was, I remember, 16 and about as strong as I was. Fuck did I love to play wrestle with that girl - and lose! And she seemed to like coming out on top as much as I liked losing.But when I was about eighteen, I became aware (and it was both a revelation and a shock I can tell you) that even though my sexual fantasies were primarily involving girls, it was the image of the male body that left me achingly aroused. The female body, by itself, didn’t create the same reaction; it was that act of submission to a stronger woman that excited me, not her body. Almost all of my friends tell me that they knew they were gay before they turned eight years old. Or, at least, they knew they were somehow different than the other little boys. But I didn’t really know I was gay - instead of a straight man with some homosexual impulses - until I was nineteen. (Or, if you wish, you can argue that I was in denial until then, but I don’t think that was the case.)But I still like girls and I still sexually desire girls. But not so much as I do boys. And I still get hard thinking about the girls that I’ve fucked in the past, but it’s been over a year since my last time. And I still retain an emotional attachment to females. I can easily see myself in a romantic and sexual relationship with a woman.Does this make me bi? I don’t think so - mostly because I hardly now ever act on those heterosexual impulses. (In six years there’s only been three occasions where I’ve had some form of sex with a female.) But a lot of my friends say it does mean I’m bi. In the end, I think, the terms “gay”, “straight”, and “bi” are simply points on a continuum of sexual desire. There are straights who are so damn straight that the idea of even touching another guy’s dick is unthinkable and sickening. And there are gay friends of mine who get physically ill at the thought of a vagina, never mind a picture of one. And then there’s the majority of us somewhere in between. I’m far enough over to the gay side that I no longer think of myself as bi-sexual. But everyone is different, and it’s a matter of each person defining him or herself on that sexual continuum. And how you define yourself - gay, bi, or straight - is unimportant as long as you remain true to your real nature.

我記得我小時候只要看到任何有關於圓形的盤子都可以拿來當作幻想在駕駛的方向盤之後蛻變成任何形狀的扁平物都可以變成方向盤除了煞有其事的轉動嘴裡還要模仿出齒輪換檔的聲音和排氣管的聲浪和右手的的換檔動作加上左腳的離合器踩踏搭配的天衣無縫至今我二十即將有四仍然沒有自己的車生活在這樣的城市裡想要有車真的是瘋了

我最鍾愛的小弟上週結婚了。感覺時間好快。曾經那麼小的他，從小到大被我取了一大堆詭異綽號的他，老是跟前跟後的他，小時候一哭我就沒辦法的他，如今也長大並且有了珍愛可以攜手的她了。而做哥哥不免俗氣卻也很誠摯的希望你永遠健康幸福快樂。

glerups

I just love to watch these old newsreels from British Pathe:”This reel covers late 1890s and early 1900s.Chelsea pensioners on parade being inspected. Groups walking away after parade, one of them walks to the gate to greet a young woman and her daughter (a relative). The pensioner walks arm in arm with them. In the pensioner’s room the girl sits on his lap and they look at a book. She asks him questions about Queen Victoria. He replies “that she was the realest Queen that ever lived, and she reigned the longest. In those days”.Queen Victoria in an open carriage with crowds in the background. London street scenes full of horses and carriages. 1897 The Queen escorted by soldiers rides in a carriage with waving crowds (Diamond Jubilee procession?). The funeral of Queen Victoria with Edward VII on horseback.The pensioner explains that “Edward V with two ones”, was Edward the peace maker (Edward VII).Coronation of Edward VII. Carriages through the streets, and Edward and Alexandra getting into an open carriage. 1903 Gordon Bennett road race. 1905 Test Match, cricketers walk through spectators. Photographers and large group of ladies seated wearing elaborate hats. (Could be fashions on Brighton Queen ?). 1903 Wilber Wright Flight or Old Aeroplanes 1908. Edward VII bird shooting, George V in background, and attendant ladies. Four ladies in high fashion 1910. The funeral of Edward VII 1910, with Royals in attendance including the future George V with the German Emperor, the Prince of Wales and the Duke of Connaught. (There is a wonderful description of the funeral, marking the end of an era in European and world history, in Barbara Tuchman’s “The Guns of August”.)George V and Queen Mary visit the Fleet. The investiture of the Prince of Wales, July 13th 1911. Delhi Durbar, also 1911, pay homage to their Emperor. The unveiling of the Victorian Memorial outside Buckingham Palace. 1912 Titanic leaving port *NB - although paperwork states is Titanic this ship is NOT the Titanic *, Parade for the first Alexandra rose day June 26th 1912. The first bomb carrying plane Tripoli 1913. Arresting Suffragettes outside Buckingham Palace 1914. Sir Thomas Lipton sailing his Yacht 1914. Royals leaving Palace, and visit to Ascot 1914.”

自虐似的 我們都拒絕學會珍惜拒絕相信自己其實並不像任何人感到知足是件跟承認失敗同樣困難的事難道我們就不能靜靜的躺於這刻的美好之中嗎然後什麼也不去想就這樣沉醉在懵懂的時光我的存在與你眼眸裏的倒影互相交疊立體的錯覺恰如夜裏想像你就在我背後耳邊 噗通噗通的是你揉搓著我卷髮時心跳的頻率

雨滴，在窗上不斷拍打著。而伴隨著莫名的寂寞感也不斷著來襲。在這又溼又冷的天氣中。

愛，是一種相互體諒。我們都還在習慣。忙碌佔據了時間。但不要緊。抬頭看是同一片藍天。

做了個飛翔的夢，在沈沈的睡眠裡。夢裡想要在虛無中撈取些什麼而擺動的手，從現實看來卻像是在水上努力划動以不至溺沒。僅存於想像的獨腳戲，卻已感到精疲力盡。悠悠醒來，睡意尚未退卻。窗外，太陽只歪斜了一些，迎著光，風景依舊。

燦爛的煙火一朵朵在空中綻放，宛如花兒將此生極致的嬌豔在這秒間怒放開來。而愛情或是青春，不也是如此嗎？我們都在有限的時間裡，傾著全力去展露這兩者。彷彿過了時令，就如同日常突發的煙火一般，令人突兀或是發噱吧。

那片笑聲讓我想起 我的那些花兒在我生命每個角落 靜靜為我開著我曾以為我會永遠 守在她身旁今天我們已經離去 在人海茫茫她們都老了吧 她們在哪裡呀我們就這樣 各自奔天涯啦啦啦啦 啦啦啦啦 啦啦啦啦啦他們已經被風吹走 散落在天涯有些故事還沒說完 那就算了吧那些心情在歲月中 已難分辨真假如今這裡荒草叢生 沒有了鮮花好在曾經擁有你們 的春秋和冬夏她們都老了吧 她們在哪裡呀我們就這樣 各自奔天涯啦啦啦啦 啦啦啦啦 啦啦啦啦啦我們就這樣 各自奔天涯

我知道你不可能是在哄我只是話語並沒有帶來預期中的溫熱我穿的是任性的短褲子讓我們都來解答這道生活的問題吧成就的模樣一個懸念的飄浮在大氣的空洞之中又或是遠方的一抹影像明明是這般清晰這般努力卻依舊被綑綁於破碎的情節想要成為一片敞亮的草坪看你在奔跑在哭泣摔一跤擦破了皮流著血然後在陽光之下慢慢痊癒殊 安靜一點 我們都不要說話讓我看著你的眼眸一根指頭的距離我曾經感覺如此真實我們會成為無話不說的朋友嗎哪怕只是一個晚上你赤裸的給我一個擁抱

I haven’t eaten since about 3 yesterday - been too busy completing a report - but I’m heading over to Tim Horton’s now for a quick sandwich. (For non Canadians, Tim Horton’s is the donut and coffee outlet on just about every street corner in the country.)It’s a major reason why Canadians are busy catching up to America in the body weight competition.